Awww

One of my favorite pictures from Easter 2004. Do you remember when the Lumeister was this little? Neither do I.

It's bunny time!

In honor of Easter, Bubbles the fish has gone on holiday and we have a new pet to play with. Click on Bunny Blue and see what she can do (don't forget to click on her again once you get to her page, and click on "more," too).

Here are some strange facts you may not know about bunnies:
Bunnies aren't rodents. they're lagomorphs. They are "crepuscular": neither diurnal nor nocturnal, they are most active around dusk or dawn. Bunnies have three sets of eyelids, and they cannot vomit.

Desparate for more bunny knowledge? Check out this page at bunnyfacts.com, and if you have a "thing" for bunny noses (and who among us doesn't?), click here and you will see more pictures of bunny noses than you probably ever knew existed.

Hoppy Easter!

Husband on Strike

Man Wants Kids To Sleep In Their Own Bed

A frustrated husband is trying to prove his point to his wife by going on strike.
James Wilson of Redford, Mich., has been spending his days on the roof of his home because he says he wants his wife, Valentina, to keep their 3-month-old daughter and 2-year-old son out of the bedroom at night.
Wilson said the children in the bedroom are causing an intimacy issue, but Valentina said the kids will remain in the room.
Both Wilsons said they have a very happy marriage, but this is a problem.
"I want my bedroom back and the diapers and toys removed immediately," said James Wilson.

Here's my opinion (I know you couldn't wait to find out how I felt about this): If He'd just spent the last three years being pregnant, in post-partum depression, and/or nursing a baby, "intimacy" would be the last thing on his mind. I think he's up there so he doesn't have to hear the 3-month-old cry during the middle of the night or (heaven forbid) change a diaper or feed her. Jerk.

What's wrong with this picture?

Men and Women

You may have read this before, but it's worth reading again...


If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.
If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

When the bill arrives, each of the men will each throw in $20, even though the total is only $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaver, a bar of soap, and a hotel towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women are not looking, men kick cats.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change. (He won't.)
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change. (She will.)

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Still younger-looking than Joan Rivers

Addwaitya, a 250-year-old tortoise, died in an Indian zoo this week.
Just imagine--he was born before the United States became a country. He was born before Beethoven. He was born before the Rolling Stones formed.

Skier survives avalanche

Did you see the video of how a skier survived a massive avalanche during an extreme skiing competition? You can watch it by clicking on the link. Amazing.

What are these?

Keepin It Real, Yo

What up dawg? If you wants ta transilate what you be sayin', you needs ta find Gizoogle, playa. Learn yo a$$ to communicazate like we do in da hood. It be off da chizzain! I gots a link rat thurr on tha side that will turn this cracka's whole blog into the way it would be articumalated on the skreet. What you waitin fo, pimp? Represent!

Peace Out.
P-E-Double-Nizzy

P-to-tha-S: I won't be acceptin' no responsibilitation fo anythang the Gizoogle transilator be sayin'. It be they words, not mine. I ain't EVEN gon' front.

Keep your eye on 'em

Curious George W.

I like George Bush, but I gotta admit this is funny.

And Mormons!

I bet this guy doesn't get invited to many parties.

Is this for real?

Awash

"The world is awash with the glory of God. Day and night, in the things of creation, the events of history, and the actions of human conscience, God is pouring forth information about Himself.... Why is it, then, that so many people yet deny the existence of God, or claim that we can know nothing certain about Him?" --T.M. Moore

Yikes

D'oh!

A British company has filmed a real-actor version of the Simpsons show opening. Really cool!
One problem though--why didn't they make Marge's hair bigger???

Oscar Madness

Courtesy of the Oscar acceptance speech generator

Penny's Acceptance Speech for the Outstanding Achievement in Gaffing Oscar:

Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly conjugate verbs! I feel so surgically enhanced! And this statue - it's so suspiciously phallic! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to bow down before me and accept that even in my wildest pool parties, I never would have frantically prayed that this could ever be so meaningless. And to the other closeted homosexual nominees, I want each of you to know how totally mega-pumped your fake smiles make me feel right now!

You know when they first told me I wasn't blonde enough, I just had to take an epidural and scoff about how freakish my thighs have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda wrinkly.

You know, there are so many blood-sucking talentless success stories to thank! First off though, I want to bitch slap the glorified prostitutes of the Academy, who looked deep within their lint-encrusted navels before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank Charleton Heston, for being such a powerful force in my loins. And to the hooker with the heart of gold, who taught me to take life by the fifth of bourbon. And finally, to all the illegitimate children I sired - I couldn't have done it without you!

Thank you America, and good night!

awesome

This is the Cueva Del Fantasma in Venezuela, in one of the most remote and unexplored regions of the world. They recently discovered a new species of tree frog living in the cave. This may not seem too unusual, until you realize the size of this cave. Look carefully at the picture. Can you see the two helicopters parked inside?

Happy Friday!

Hey everybody, it's Friday, so let's boogie!.

Do you like my new fishy? Move the mouse around to play with him. Give him a little food if you want, but not much. I already fed him today. Honestly, this is the easiest tank to clean that I've ever had.

So the new weather girl is now named "Wendi" (thanks to MRS). Yes, I know you meant for the "i" to replace the "e" and not the "y" but she just looks like a Wendi to me. I could have chosen a different meteorologist (including a wide variety of weather goths, no joke) but Wendi just reminded me of myself SO MUCH that I couldn't pass her by. Thanks for being there for us, Wendi.

Since I'm devoting so much time to the contents of my sidebar, I'll ask, "Have you checked out the stuff on the Stickam?" I have added a couple of songs to it, but they take so long to upload that I don't even try very hard to put new stuff on it. Anyway, if you have no idea what I'm talking about, click on the music or camera icon over there and you can hear songs or look at some of my photos while you're on this blog. Maybe one day I'll get a webcam and delight you all with streaming video of me sitting in front of the computer wearing a ratty old t-shirt and my monkey pajama pants. REAWR!

Depressing.

Men are all the same.

And there's Laura right there beside him. tsk tsk

New Chocolate!

This past week Mars (the candy maker, not the planet, silly) announced it is going to be launching a new line of chocolates called CocoaVia. It has even more antioxidants, flavanols, and phenalethylamine than regular chocolate.

And that means? Antioxidants are cancer fighters, and flavanols lower bad cholesterol. Phenalethylamine is the so-called "love drug" that flows into a woman's bloodstream when she falls in love (the reason, scientists believe, that chocolate is an effective mood elevator in women).

In a press release, the company states that the Cuna Indians of Panama who drink exactly the same type of chocolate found in CocoaVia have a ten percent lower risk of dying from heart attacks than average Panamanians. It wasn't reported, but my guess is that there is also at least a fifty percent lower risk of a Cuna Indian man getting bitch-slapped every 28 days.

That's coming out of your allowance, Mister!

A 12-year-old boy on a field trip to a museum stuck a wad of gum on a painting valued at $1.5 Million.
Now I'm absolutely opposed to child abuse, but were this my son he would be in for the beating of a lifetime.
"Even though we give very strict guidelines on proper behavior and we hold students to high standards, he is only 12 and I don't think he understood the ramifications of what he did before it happened, but he certainly understands the severity of it now," said a school official.
I'm thinking that by age 12 a child should know better than to stick their chewed-up gum anywhere but in the trash can, much less ON A PAINTING IN A MUSEUM.
In the boy's defense, though, the painting (see above) was Helen Frankenthaler's "The Bay," an abstract painting from 1963, so he probably thought he was making it look better. (Ba-dum-CHING)

Who am I?

Okay, so I'm doing this online personality profile thing. I found it in somebody else's blog and thought it might be interesting to see the difference between how I see myself and how others see me. Please click here and here to participate. It's painless, I promise. ;-)

Update, for those of you who give a flying rat's patootie: I still feel like roadkill, but the Dr. hooked me up with some good meds and gave me a shot in the patookus. Youch. It was the burning, stinging, my-arse-is-on-fire kind of injection. I loved it.

Check out the little weather chick in the sidebar. She'll keep us updated on the weather. What shall we name her?