Men and Women

You may have read this before, but it's worth reading again...


If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.
If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

When the bill arrives, each of the men will each throw in $20, even though the total is only $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaver, a bar of soap, and a hotel towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women are not looking, men kick cats.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change. (He won't.)
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change. (She will.)

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.